“Two years ago I wouldn’t have considered the job I’m currently going to accept an offer for.”
My agency executive experience hasn’t translated meaningfully to things outside consultancies, and the diminishing consultancy openings at my level are few and incredibly competitive. I’m not competing like I thought I would, based on what I know my value would be.
I moved off consultancies a few years ago to focus on startups, product roles, but this shift has sacrificed my momentum in agencies (it was dying likely anyway, as design has been wilting in this regard) and hasn’t translated the way I’d hoped into product roles in startups. The startup world is extremely volatile and while there have been a few opportunities that I have had, I find I’m not willing to sacrifice much more time, add more risk, lose security and lose base pay as I rapidly approach retirement.
The conversations I have either result in the occasional “wow that’s an amazing career and unique background” but mostly silence.
Being a big fish in small ponds (companies 50-75 people in size) is not translating to the big fish in medium or large ponds like I thought it would. I know I can do the jobs I apply for, but there are 100 people in line in front of me for each one.
Two years ago I wouldn’t have considered the job I’m currently going to accept an offer for, but now my reality is: I’m going to accept any job offer within a very large and somewhat unscrutinized range that comes my way. I simply can’t afford to aim to find employment in a way that I envisioned just a few years back: something I choose, something that is meaningful, something that provides professional fulfillment, something that energizes me and sparks my creativity. I am now getting in line with the rest to do something I’m cornered into like most of the world, and maybe that’s okay and better than most.
The toll on my mental health is real: loss of confidence, happiness, personal and professional productivity, increase in lethargy and a sense of uselessness, loss of curiosity and presence with my kids and friends and community. I used to feel valued and I am certain I am the perfect addition to some cultures, but now I am resigned to the fact that unless I get really fortunate, I won’t ever work in a place that inspires me. I am ultimately a passive, not aggressive, seeker of network and opportunities despite recent few years of proactively contributing to new communities, and am one of those people that ultimately relies more on opportunity than force of will to wondertwin activate the perfect union of job and talent.