“My manager fired me the day before my diagnosis came back.”

I can’t say this publicly, because I don’t want recruiters to smell my blood in the water, that I was fired instead of laid off. But I want to tell my story because I hope it can help somebody else.

After years of being a high performer at work, I caught myself just staring at my computer between meetings, feeling completely numb and trying to force myself to care about any of it.

I scheduled a psych exam and did not tell my manager. I hoped IF my mental health could explain my freezing up and dread of work, I could take FMLA leave and recover without otherwise missing a beat. Then, I experienced a sudden, unexpected death in my close family. Shortly after I returned from bereavement, my manager presented me with feedback that my work was “inconsistent” and “trending below expectations” ahead of midyear reviews. And they sent an email to me about the feedback immediately after. A classic sign that your manager is strengthening the case to fire you.

I didn’t even know they fired people at midyear reviews!

I took my psych exam about a month later at the psychologist’s earliest availability. My manager fired me the day before my diagnosis came back.

I didn’t have a job any more, but I DID have ADHD-Inattentive type!

(+ some depression & anxiety and visual processing issues.)

I’m in a privileged position, because I’ve spent the last few years stockpiling savings to give myself some runway in case of layoff. So I had some time to get insurance sorted out and seek treatment.

Since then, I’ve learned my story isn’t unique AT ALL. The psychologist described my experience as “textbook” for undiagnosed women in their 30s or 40s. For some, when stress becomes too much or when perimenopause begins, ADHD symptoms kind of change. These women managed all their lives, coming up with ways to make up for their “weaknesses.” Then, one day, thanks to stress, hormones, or both, the ADHD symptoms outgrow their ability to compensate. And, like me, those women may seek diagnosis to figure out what’s going on.

And being a strong student or a high performer at work can often mask ADHD symptoms!

For over 30 years, I had no clue. I believed that things I struggled with, like starting tasks, transitioning between tasks, or being on time were character flaws, evidence I “didn’t actually want to do better.”

Today, over 9 months later, I still don’t have a job, and I still (and will always) have ADHD. But I also have a treatment that works well for me, and I have more motivation than I had at any point in my last job. The job hunt feels very difficult, but I feel hopeful, at least for now.

I want to tell my story because at 30, I had only ever known adults whose ADHD was identified in childhood. I didn’t see myself in the “typical profile,” which was mostly young boys who struggle to sit still in class. Maybe other people are the same and hearing a story like mine might make them feel less alone.

Once I have a job again, I hope to tell my story more openly. Until then, I will be telling anyone who asks that I left my last job to “seek new challenges” or something.